Troglodytic

He cries out in painful sleep
tired whimpers
begging for a mother's comfort
But who will comfort me?

There are pieces
of me
Shattered Shimmering Swirling
S
l
i
d
i
n
g
down
and I cannot stop it.
Even when surrounded
I am profoundly apart
Alone
from society
disconnected
from friends? what friends!
If i fell off the face of this earth
who would notice
or care?
Only a select few to whom
I dedicate myself
To whom
I treasure, but am strained by
caged by
trapped by
Oh to be free...

Agape, Philia and Eros...

Gaining an appreciation for rock music
Having my toddler make funny faces when trying on sunnies
Roast Lamb with mint jelly
Drinking lots of water
Coconut and Lime Candle
Aldi coming out with a cheap version of iced vovos
Re-reading the Inheritage trilogy
Watching Good News Week wit Aaron on the couch
Lie to Me
United States of Tara Finale!!!
Getting a necklace and a bracelet for $10 from Diva!
Caramelatte and brownie
New PJs for Freyr that he wants to wear all day
Whitney getting her perdy prom dress
Making plans to go to the comic book shop in the city
Planning a painting, playing with my oil pastels and doing drawing exercises, one and two point perspective? at an art class with lots of chatty older ladies.
Red lipstick
Not having to do anything to my hair after going for a swim, or having a shower
Shaved and moisturised legs
Getting an appointment to the Mater FINALLY for my back, seeing a Physio before being referred to an ortho surgeon
Freyr going to day care without a problem, no tears at all
Raw Almonds
Doing dishes at night so the kitchen is always clean in the morning
Getting proper insurance for my car instead of just CTP
Chip sangas on the gold coast with Elly, Rick, Jon-Jon, Joshie, Mark and Azza.
Ikea, School Fete and Rodeo all in one day
Prescreening of Astroboy
Sleeping on clean sheets
PS3 games: Wolverine!!!!
Naps
Looking for a new Playgroup
Feeling comfortable and being myself around a friend who is now more than a friend.

Christmas/ Birthday wishlist :P

Just some idea's of things I would like for my birthday next month, or for christmas!!! hint hint...

Books

1984- Orwell
Children of Hurin- Tolkein
Dune- Herbert
Catch22 - Heller
The Wheel of Time book 1- Eye of the World - Jordan

Food
Persian Feta
Kalamata olives
Good quality chocolate
Dukkah
A Tea set

DVDs

Lost any series
House any series
Planet Earth Documentaries
Studio Ghibli animes
Dexter

Perfume
Bulgari Jasmine Noir
Marc Jacobs Daisy
Vera Wang
Jean Paul Gaulter Madame

Jewelry from Diva
Essential oils
Anything from Lush
Massage Gift voucher

Well, i guess i know what i want, now i just need to figure out what everyone else wants and what i can afford!!!

A New Chapter

I shaved my head for my sister who has Alopecia and my brother in law made a great video of it.



Since having my head shaved, I have noticed that, yes people do stare. But it's not in a bad way, it's in a curious way and I honestly don't mind the feel. I get hotter and cooler easier than I used to, but showering, going to the beach and swimming in the pool is much less fuss. It's very freeing and confidence building in a way in that I am learning not to care about what strangers think, I don't know them, they don't know me and that's that.

Goals

Scuba with a whale shark

Go to Uni and get a degree

Travel Europe

Spend a week at the Lourve

Have a herb and vege patch and a gourmet Kitchen

Visit New York and the Central Park Zoo

Go on a road trip to Sydney and then Melbourne (stopping at Adriano Zumbo's patisserie)

Own a NEW car not a used

Build my dream home on a large property

Learn a new Language (French, Spanish, Italian, German and Arabic interest me the most, but I don't know which one yet)

Own one designer dress and shoes

Take art classes (this i will be starting on Monday when Freyr is at Daycare)

Things that make me go mmmm...

Chocolate biscuits and Max Brenner Fondue at Robina with strawberries, banana, marshmellows and banana bread - with dark choc and milk choc melted everywhere

Resisting buying one ok shirt for $25, and finding 2 great shirts for $30

Getting a Spa pedicure for the first time in a long time. Blue toenails!!!

Fresh Pears

Singing along to the radio in the car

Pushing Freyr in the swing

Dropping Freyr off for his first day at daycare with No Tears!!! (I am now having every Monday as my errand day to do things I can't do when I do have him... like abovementioned pedi)

A coconut lime triple scented candle from Peter Alexander

Vanilla Massage Bar from Lush

Comparing Australian and American Impressionist Art with someone who is genuinely interested and engaged in the conversation

Buffet Breakfast at the Hilton

Sympathetic Doctors

Watching Good News Week

Playing the Wii and going the the bakery with my sisters (muah!!!)

Reading Library books before bed

Having quiet moments to relax and revive

Trivia Nights with OTT dress ups and themed food

Feeling extra pretty with makeup on

Smooth face and smaller pores from St Ives Apricot scrub

Swimming on a Hot day in a cool pool and then having a refreshing shower

Buying and Reading and making notes on Gala Darling's latest Love and Sequins: don't know who I am talking about? her blog is in my to-be-read list on the side. right there, have a look, she is so great.

Feeling inspired by wandering around an art museum

Having someone to talk to when dissapointed and unsupported

Living in the moment and enjoying each moment for what it is

Writing affirmations on my mirror in my room to be said each time i see it "I am stronger than I think"

Bright red Triumph push up bra

Mixed lollies: Chicos, sherbies, Witchetty grubs, pineapple lumps :)

Good quality organic chocolate with butterscotch pieces

Playing Balderdash

Making to do lists and crossing them off

Realising life is Never Perfect, but deciding to be Happy anyway

Taking responibility for my life, it's downs, but more importantly, it's ups

Making a Bucket list, (to be shared at a later date...)

Fresh Flowers in the house

Planning to do something drastic because I love my sister.

Anais Nin

I am completely enamored of her tonight, reading through her Wikiquote page has me sighing in agreement. She eloquently expresses everything I hold inside myself. Here are a few favourites.

I disregard the proportions, the measures, the tempo of the ordinary world. I refuse to live in the ordinary world as ordinary women. To enter ordinary relationships. I want ecstasy. I am a neurotic — in the sense that I live in my world. I will not adjust myself to the world. I am adjusted to myself.

When others asked the truth of me, I was convinced it was not the truth they wanted, but an illusion they could bear to live with.

Oh, God, I know no joy as great as a moment of rushing into a new love, no ecstasy like that of a new love. I swim in the sky; I float; my body is full of flowers, flowers with fingers giving me acute, acute caresses, sparks, jewels, quivers of joy, dizziness, such dizziness. Music inside of one, drunkenness. Only closing the eyes and remembering, and the hunger, the hunger for more, more, the great hunger, the voracious hunger, and thirst.

Someday I'll be locked up for love insanity. "She loved too much."

We do not grow absolutely, chronologically. We grow sometimes in one dimension, and not in another, unevenly. We grow partially. We are relative. We are mature in one realm, childish in another. The past, present, and future mingle and pull us backward, forward, of fix us in the present. We are made of layers, cells, constellations.

The poet is one who is able to keep the fresh vision of the child alive.

Anxiety is love's greatest killer. It makes one feel as you might when a drowning man holds unto you. You want to save him, but you know he will strangle you with his panic.

In the world of the dreamer there was solitude: all the exaltations and joys came in the moment of preparation for living. They took place in solitude. But with action came anxiety, and the sense of insuperable effort made to match the dream, and with it came weariness, discouragement, and the flight into solitude again. And then in solitude, in the opium den of remembrance, the possibility of pleasure again

She was amazing.